The Language of Love
In 1992, Dr. Gary Chapman, Christian marriage counselor, published a book entitled, The Five Love Languages. The book was such a smash hit that it was followed up with several sequels including The Five Love Languages for Children, for Teens, for Singles, etc.
I view books like this with reservation. It is easy to pigeonhole people, to force them into a mold that steals their uniqueness. I saw this happen when Tim LaHaye’s books on the four temperaments swept him to fame. Many of us were helped by some aspects of what he taught but found it easy to analyze others without using what we learned about ourselves to be better Christians. God does not divide people in these artificial ways in His Word and we should avoid doing so as well.
This said, there is still profit in considering what Chapman says about expressing love to others. In brief, the five common ways people express love to others are these: Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch. The author suggests that each of us tends to feel loved more in one of these ways than in the others. Remembering that Paul says the basic need of a wife is to be genuinely loved, it would be good for husbands to discover how his wife feels most loved, what expresses love to her the best.
The greatest profit from these five ways of expressing love is discovering how God uses all these to express love for His creation, and particularly to His children. Husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church. How does God express love to the church? He gives us quality time (“I will never leave thee nor forsake thee.” Hebrews 13:5) He expresses His love through words (“Thou hast loved them as Thou hast loved me.” John 17:23). He expresses His love through gifts (“When he ascended up on high, he led captivity captive, and gave gifts unto men.” Eph. 4:8). He expresses His love through service (Read John 13 as Jesus washed the disciples’ feet.) He expresses His love through physical touch (“Now there was leaning on Jesus’ bosom one of his disciples, whom Jesus loved.” John 13:23. Jesus blessed the children as He took them into His arms.)
Consider some other observations. A husband may be expressing love to his wife in a way that is meaningful to him but not to her. Learn how she feels loved. Withholding these expressions could be interpreted rightly or wrongly as waning love. Also, a woman may misinterpret a kind gesture from a man as an expression of love. We must be prudent in dealings with others that the limit of our intent of a kind deed is understood.
As we husbands learn more how God expresses love to us, let us purpose to pass on His methods to our life partner.