Courtship (1)
I used to listen to J. Vernon McGee each morning on the way to work and enjoyed his Texas twang expositions. However, I didn’t always agree with him. For example, I felt that he missed the story of Ruth fundamentally by imposing western dating thinking into the text. He called it the story of “love at first sight.” Actually the word ‘love’ is only given once in the story and that was speaking of the love of Ruth for her mother-in-law. (Ruth 4:15). Instead, it seems to me to be a story of courtship and of growing attraction as character and godliness are revealed.
Notice, for example, how many times it mentions that Boaz was impressed with Ruth’s looks. That’s right, not one. Notice instead his awareness of her character. He noted that she was sacrificial, diligent, loyal, selfless, etc. For this he rewarded her and her humble, godly response obviously impressed him. The relationship developed from there.
Though the Bible does say that love covers a multitude of sins (1 Peter 4:8), it never says love is the basis of marriage. It is, instead, the basis of Christian fellowship between all believers. (1 John 1:6-7; John 13:34-35) Marriage is built on a mutual commitment for each other’s good in the will of God. That commitment is called a covenant in Malachi 2:14 and makes marriage an unconditional vow before God.
Christians who understand the Bible and themselves ought to be glad that marriage is not based on love. That’s because it is easy to misunderstand what love is. A week after meeting my wife, I told her, “I think I’m falling in love with you.” Looking back, I would have been more accurate to say, “I am infatuated with you and I think I’m falling in love with the idea of being in love.” This failure to understand love led to years of damaged relationships because she didn’t (couldn’t) measure up to the ideal I had painted of her, the ideal I had really loved.
Herein is one of the great benefits of a courtship commitment. Dating sets us up for falling in love with love. Courtship works through the authorities of the two people involved. Those authorities, usually their fathers, are not emotionally involved in the relationship. They have the great advantage, hopefully, of the wisdom of years, the wisdom of Scripture, and a love and desire for the best for their children. When a young person entrusts his or her future into the hands of the parents in this matter, they are declaring several things. First, they are stating that they believe God will work through their authority to bring His best into their lives. Second, they are trusting the authority that they do know them, love them, and want their best. Third, they are submitting their own feelings to the wise counsel of an elder. God delights to honor such trust. (2 Chron. 16:9a)